The Feeling

My entire day yesterday was filled with meaningful conversations. When I visualize my dream day, that's exactly what it entails!

In each of those conversations, the feeling came up. It was described differently in each conversation, but the theme was still the same.

I didn't really know how to explain it, but I just knew it my gut something wasn't right.

I can't really describe it, I don't know what it looks like, but I know this is work that I have been called to do.

Both feelings are equally important. Both feelings are valid even if you can't explain them to others. If you are reading this right now and you understand or have had either of those feelings, I invite you to take a moment - a deep breath - and thank your amazing God that he has granted you the wisdom to know either of these feelings. On the flip-side, if you are reading this and you are longing for those feelings, please know that you are just as capable as anyone to feel them too.

So often, we go through life, day after day, without checking in with our feelings. We don't want to feel feelings. I get it! I've been there. But how on earth are we to do life without them?

Our feelings are our soul's way of communicating with us.

Are we listening?

I know what it feels like to push the feelings aside. Years ago, in the midst of my depression, I honestly didn't want to feel anything. To feel feelings meant I was weak. To be vulnerable meant that I was not strong. I was not connected with myself or with those around me. I would go through my day knowing what I knew to do. One email after another. One phone call after another. Doing my job and doing it well, but also feeling as though I was watching myself go through the day and not even present in my own body. At the end of the day my energy was depleted. I was not fulfilled and I felt as though I had no purpose.

Change starts with the awareness.

Are you aware of that gut feeling that is telling you something isn't quite right?

The last two times I started back up with therapy, this was all that I knew. I emailed Lyda to set up an appointment and simply said "I don't know what's going on with me, but something's not right!" After spending 45 minutes on the comfy couch and updating her on my life, the real problem emerged...the feelings came...and man it sucked. And though it sucked, because feeling hard feelings always does, it was as if the huge weight was lifted off of my chest and I could breathe again.

Besides therapy, I've done a lot of inner, emotional work to get to where I am now. I wanted to make that clear before I move on because, if you're still with me, I want you to understand that what I'm about to describe next, does NOT happen over night and it is NOT easy! It takes work! Work that is totally worth it and all the feelings you have to feel to get there!

I'm in a place now that when I describe my aspirations, some people tilt there head to the side like a confused puppy. I know exactly who I am and that I'm capable of anything. I know my gifts and what I have been called to do and I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

The feeling that has lead me here has been TERRIFYING!! There are two types of fear. Fear that makes you afraid to do things and fear that when you feel it you think "Holy SHIT! I know this is what I'm meant to do and omg it's here and I'm doing it and holy shit!"

Dismiss the bad fear. Follow the good fear. God has great things in store for you.

Do you know either of those feelings and don't know which direction to go with them? Connect With Me